Someone is still mid-sentence, and you’re already saying “oh, that happened to me too” and launching into your own story. Interrupting to share your own story usually isn’t about not caring. It’s often empathy arriving a beat too early.
In brief: Jumping in with your own story is a common conversational habit, not a sign of self-centeredness. Naming why it happens makes it easier to hold the story back and let the other person finish first.
Two ways a conversation can go
Sociologist Charles Derber described two common responses to someone else’s story: a shift response, which turns the conversation toward your own experience, and a support response, which stays with the other person’s and draws more out of it. Interrupting to share your own story is usually a shift response arriving out of eagerness to relate, not out of indifference.
Why your own story surfaces so fast
Hearing something familiar tends to trigger a memory almost automatically, and there’s a pull to say it before it slips away. That pull is a sign of real engagement. The trouble is only in the timing — the other person’s story usually isn’t finished yet.
Telling the two responses apart
“That happened to me too” followed by your own story is a shift response. “What was that like for you?” is a support response. Both signal interest, but the person speaking usually feels more heard by the second one.
Holding the story for later
Rather than forcing the urge down, it helps to mentally flag it — “I’ll say this after” — instead of suppressing it entirely. The story is still valid a few minutes later, and it often lands better once the other person has finished and feels heard.
If you’ve already interrupted
Noticing it after the fact is enough to fix in the moment: “Sorry, finish what you were saying.” The goal isn’t perfect restraint, just handing the floor back once you catch yourself taking it.
It happens more with people you know well
The better you know someone, the easier it is to predict where their story is going and jump in early. That’s often a sign of closeness, not carelessness, but it can still leave the other person feeling like they rarely get to finish. Slowing down slightly with the people closest to you tends to be worth the effort.
Phone and video calls make it easier to jump in
Without a face to read, it’s harder to tell whether someone has actually finished or just paused. A brief silence gets mistaken for an opening, which is why interruptions tend to happen more often on calls than in person. When it’s unclear, a simple “go on” hands the turn back instead of guessing.
Interrupting and encouraging aren’t the same thing
Short responses like “mm”, “really?”, or “then what?” show you’re listening without taking over the conversation. The issue isn’t those small signals — it’s cutting off a sentence to pivot to a new topic. Keeping the small encouragements while simply delaying the pivot solves most of the problem.
Don’t wait for the other person to point it out
Rather than hoping someone will simply understand, it can help to say it plainly ahead of time: “I tend to jump in — feel free to call it out.” Giving people that opening usually makes it easier for both sides, instead of relying on you to catch yourself every time.
A quick note can hold the thought
In meetings or important conversations, jotting a word or two down and bringing it up once the other person finishes tends to work well. The small act of writing it down is often enough to remind you that right now is the listening part.
Why you interrupt to share your own story
For a related read on this, see what to say when you need time to respond.
For more background on this idea, active listening is a useful starting point.
For general self-care guidance, including staying socially connected, see the NIMH’s Caring for Your Mental Health.
This article is for general information and isn’t a substitute for professional advice.